Chapter 54

Nocton showed no reaction, but his chest, which had slowly been moving up and down, stopped.

It was clear that he was holding his breath.

With his indirect consent, Duroa let out a deep breath in the opposite direction.

I want to end it now.

No doubt, no anxiety, no fear, no regrets, I wanted to put an end to all my time with Nocton Edgar.

“My name is Duroa Valrose, Nocton. It’s Duroa, not Valrose.”

“If I call your name… do you think everything will be okay?”

“Well, you’ll have to try it.”

Nocton licked his lips as if he were about to call her name at any moment, but no matter how long Duroa waited, those five letters didn’t come out of his mouth.

You’re not saying anything. I knew it.

Duroa scoffed and pushed Nocton away.

The arms that were twice as big as hers were pushed away so easily.

What should I do now? I can’t stay here.

It wasn’t confirmed that the beast was dealt with yet. Should I just wait for Aaron?

Duroa didn’t know for how long Nocton was going to stick around, but she couldn’t leave anyway.

She felt exhausted, as if her entire body was bruised.

It was as if she was falling out of consciousness quickly.

Now, even if a bear appeared in front of them, Duroa was confident she wouldn’t be able to distinguish it properly.

I don’t think I have any energy left to be surprised.

Duroa glanced outside for a quick second and then turned around immediately when she saw the rain clouds.

No matter how much she hated being alone in the cave with Nocton Edgar, Duroa wasn’t sure she could make it through the rain.

And there was no guarantee that the beasts were dealt with.

As Duroa was playing with her foot in the dried leaves meaninglessly, she looked up when she heard something.

“…Duroa.”

It was a small sound, like an ant crawling.

But Duroa was a little surprised by it and turned around slowly.

Nocton Edgar was looking at her with a helpless face, like a lost child.

“Duroa.”

He called Duroa by her name again, but louder this time.

He called me by my name.

Duroa was surprised and embarrassed by the sudden situation, but she instantly felt sad. At one time, it was something she desperately wanted to hear.

When Duroa thought of Nocton as a friend, when she liked him and felt special feelings for him, her heart wished that he could call her name.

Is it because I’m sick?

Or is it because I already abandoned my old feelings and let them return to dust?

Is it because my feelings for him have already been ruined?

Duroa heard her name coming out of Nocton’s mouth, but nothing changed for her.

It didn’t feel special, and nothing special happened either.

With that, she thought that maybe she wasn’t brainwashed.

Duroa thought about Sheryl Bornaine, she suddenly collapsed as if she was shocked by something, but when Duroa saw there was nothing wrong with her, brainwashing was…

“…Duroa?”

But what does that have to do with anything?

She didn’t really care if the thought that Nocton brainwashed her was only an assumption.

Duroa was not pleased at all.

Nocton Edgar couldn’t be anything to her. A friend or an acquaintance, even just as someone to have around.

Duroa was rather saddened by the feeling of gaining such confidence.

And she still couldn’t believe Nocton.

Although the title, which was thought to be evidence of his betrayal, was refuted head-on, trust did not return.

Maybe that was why.

If it wasn’t for that reason, if it wasn’t for the hypnosis and the brainwashing, why didn’t he call Duroa by her name for so long?

Why, all this time, when it was a name that came out so easily right now?

Duroa held her breath and placed a hand over her forehead.

Three times. Nocton, who called out her name, said nothing for a moment.

Nothing changed in her, as if Duroa knew things weren’t any better.

The sound of the rain had diminished.

That deafening sound was now as small as a scratch on the ear.

The thunder had stopped and the leaves weren’t dancing loudly anymore.

The light, which wasn’t bright but wasn’t dark either, was shining through the forest.

But my childhood did not come back.

Duroa struggled to speak.

“I didn’t think you’d call me that. From the looks of it, you didn’t brainwash me. Or, it was already broken.”

“You’re still the same as before.”

“…Nocton.”

“Not having any intention of going back to how we were in the past, trying to stay away from me, not trusting me at all. Yeah, calling your name isn’t going to solve everything. Actually, I knew it.”

Nocton kept quiet for a while and continued soon after.

“It’s all a meaningless obsession and there’s no way it’s going to be better. It’s already over, but even though I knew that, I still hoped…”

Nocton was saying things that Duroa couldn’t understand, but she didn’t want to pry either.

Duroa just watched Nocton speak to himself in a trembling voice.

Despite this rare appearance, he still had no emotions and his heart was empty as if all the feelings he had were ripped out.

Suddenly, Duroa opened her mouth.

“Now, I guess we really don’t get along.”

“…”

“Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

In a strange mood, Duroa played with the dried leaves on the ground and looked at him.

The embarrassment slowly faded from Nocton’s face.

Soon, the expression completely disappeared.

The raindrops on Duroa’s black eyelashes looked strangely like tears so she blinked them away.

But even if they were actual tears, nothing would’ve changed.

“Let’s not see each other anymore.”

She didn’t mean to, but Duroa’s voice came out quiet.

Still, Nocton heard her anyway.

“I was going to say it properly before, but you vomited blood and went crazy, so I was a mess. Actually, I had to say it at the Imperial ball, but back then I was… I guess I was so scared that you could turn me back.”

Come to think of it, it was.

“Maybe it was all an illusion and it’s a situation that can be fixed. There’s no way you’re trying to kill Aaron even though nothing great happened.”

If Duroa was really afraid of Nocton, if she was really afraid he would hurt her, she could hide in the mansion even by pretending to be sick.

On the pretext of not feeling well, Duroa was able to escape as the Marquis of Valrose representative.

Even if Duroa was obligated to attend, if she complained about being sick or having a hard time, her parents would accept it and somehow manage to correct her immature behaviour.

But she didn’t run away and she didn’t refuse to talk to Nocton at the Imperial ball.

Duroa thought that seeing his face would be better than to have a bad reputation in society or embarrass her parents.

She must’ve had a strange idea that Nocton wouldn’t hurt her even though she was trembling with fear.

With hope, with regret.

But when she was told that Nocton was going to kill Aaron, she couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“When you say this, it sounds like you’re breaking up with me. Do you think I’m exaggerating again?”

Duroa laughed, but Nocton didn’t.

There was not even a brief answer and there was no change in his expression either.

“Well, nothing surprising. After you and I get married, no matter how friendly we are, we’ll see each other more often than before.”

Friends…

“We’re friends, right? Were we ever friends, though? You really didn’t think of me as a toy or an old doll to have around? You said I was special, you know.”

Nocton had no answer, but Duroa shifted her gaze from the floor of the cave, to the sky outside and then stared at the forest, talking to herself.

She knew she had to end it, but she didn’t want to.

And suddenly, Duroa thought she shouldn’t do it.

“Hey, whatever I was, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

The rain, which had poured like there was a hole in the sky, stopped altogether.

The strange smell was gone, as well.

Was it the smell of the train or something related to magic?

Asking herself meaningless questions about the situations, Duroa slowly took a step forward. Taking the first step was hard, then the next one was easy.

One step, two steps and past Nocton, then she was out of the cave.

But at that moment…

“Don’t leave.”

Duroa’s arm was grabbed and her body turned around into Nocton’s arms.

It was similar to what happened the night before, when she had heard about the precognitive dream from Alice, but unlike then, this time it was a face-to-face hug.

She was belatedly surprised but stayed still because she felt Nocton’s arms clinging tightly to her back.

Duroa thought she could pull away if she wanted to, but she just followed Nocton’s wishes instead.

It was the last one.

“It wasn’t that meaningless.”

“Nocton.”

“If you leave… It’s horrible just thinking about it, and you were special. I’m sorry I tested you. It wasn’t you that I tried to test, it wasn’t you, it was me… I thought you couldn’t be by my side so… you’re not a toy. If I was going to just play with you, I wouldn’t have asked you to stay that long. You couldn’t have been this mad at Aaron Claymore.”

“Nocton.”

Even after calling his name over and over again, he didn’t answer and continued making excuses.

“No, I’m not angry. It’s all a lie. Neither at him, nor at your friend. I wouldn’t hurt anyone around you. I… Duroa. I-I wanted to call your name. Since a long time ago, I’ve always wanted to.”

The hands that hugged Duroa were shaking.

It was a mystery.

His desperate embrace felt as if he were saying it was really special.

Every single one of his actions wasn’t like him, and Duroa’s unwavering heart was no longer hers.

It felt as if everything was breaking.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I didn’t want to. Your maid’s work was brief, too. I just wanted to know if you knew about black magic, so I thought I would do anything to know.”

“You should’ve told me sooner.”

“I…”

“I’m a little surprised. You were the one who could say that. You’re the one who can show your true feelings that way and also someone who could hide something in the midst of that.”

“Duroa.”

“There’s no turning back now, so stop making meaningless excuses.”

Even though it came out of her lips, it felt as if someone borrowed Duroa’s body to speak in her stead.

She had no intention of hurting him because it was already the end for them, but the words that came out of her mouth were sharp.

Duroa tried to get out of Nocton’s arms, but he held on tighter.

So that she couldn’t resist.

She could feel his heartbeat because of the closeness between them.

Only the beat could be heard.

“I’ll tell you everything. I have something to say, Duroa.”