Chapter 13 – What to Do, I’m in a Hotel Room With My Roommate

Wei Ru Song was now in an awkward situation, having sobered up, even if he dug out his courage he did not dare to agree, but to disagree would make him look feeble, after consideration Wei Ru Song decided that silence was golden. He must have been poisoned by the alcohol to climb onto Xiao Nian’s bed, time to escape…

Wei Ru Song wanted to leave as though nothing had happened, but was forcefully dragged back by Xiao Nian, he fearfully clasped his backside.

“Don’t play punk I’m going to shout!”

“Shush, sleep.”

“Xiao Nian hugged the Wei Ru Song who stank of alcohol, his even exhalations hitting Wei Ru Song’s neck, entering his flesh and blood. Wei Ru Song was dizzy in the dark, it was as though there was a balloon in his head, repeatedly expanding and bursting non-stop.

“What!”

Wei Ru Song was now in the state of extreme nervousness, a word from Xiao Nian would make him tense up immediately.

“You stink of alcohol, go wash up quickly.”

“You’re criticising me?!” Wei Ru Song was now acting like an unreasonable sassy girlfriend. “You’re actually criticising me, I’ll stink you to death!”

Wei Ru Song opened his mouth and exhaled all over Xiao Nian’s face, Xiao Nian’s eyes burned and teared up, he rudely squashed Wei Ru Song’s cheeks into a goldfish again.

“Do you believe that I’ll kiss you?”

“I don’t believe!”

His courage bolstered by alcohol, Wei Ru Song stiffened his neck for barely 1 second only to see Xiao Nian’s lips descending. He was frightened into escaping, covering his lips, “I believe, I believe, Brother Nian I was wrong, I was wrong, I’ll go shower now, I’ll go now.”

Wei Ru Song scurried off the bed and took a shower, sobering up, leaving Xiao Nian to lie on the bed full of the scent of Wei Ru Song. He was unable to fall asleep, feeling as though Wei Ru Song was still next to him, it was really– too smelly! Xiao Nian silently vowed to wash the entire set of bedclothes tomorrow.

11/11 this year happened to be a holiday, the two evidently single men could only stay in their room playing video games. – All these single men fighting each other, time to wake up, Comrades! We cannot continue in this manner! We are all in the same situation, why should we fight amongst each other? Why can’t we fight against all the couples other there? Why is it that on 11/11 we can only be mocked and laughed at? Why should the restaurants only have discounts for couples?! Our brotherhood is higher than the sky, deeper than the sea, how could it be damaged by all you damn couples out there!
(T/N: 11/11 is also known as Singles’ Day in China)

“Junior, let’s go! We’ll go hike Mt. Maple!”

“Don’t try to avoid the consequences of losing 5 battles to me in a row,” Xiao Nian, after spending so much time with Wei Ru Song, also had the occasional habit of cracking cold jokes. “Please display your responsibility of being a man.”

“It’s only a game, just for fun,” Wei Ru Song sneakily pinched Xiao Nian’s face. “Let’s go, we’ll go to Mt. Maple, spend a night there, and have kiln-baked chicken the next afternoon!”

Wei Ru Song ran to pack his bag, Xiao Nian laughed when he saw his enthusiasm.

“Did you plan this on the spot?”

“Of course not.”

Although Wei Ru Song looked like an impulsive person, but this was not actually the case. When he was dating Chen Xuan Xuan, he had already planned and scheduled all trips for their 4 years in college, if not for breaking up at the start of the semester, he would also have planned their honeymoon trip.

“The journey would take 2 hours, students get 50% off, the leaves of the maple trees would turn red at the end of October, if we go now we should be able to catch the last bus, train our bodies, we can camp and BBQ at night, but you look a little too weak, if you were to be eaten by a wolf I would not be able to answer to your family, we would not be able to book a room now, but it’s fine, there are many small motels there that cannot be found online, they’ll be even cheaper, only their accommodations won’t be as good, I don’t know if you’ll be able to accept it?”

“I’ll just follow you.”

Very good! Wei Ru Song liked it when Xiao Nian obeyed him like an idiot, easy to go out with, just like bringing a pet dog.

This trip was very sudden, after playing video games the entire morning, they left for the bus station without having breakfast. Wei Ru Song bought a caterpillar bun at the bakery and took a bite, then offered to let Xiao Nian taste it. Xiao Nian could take a bite from the opposite end, after considering, he took a big bite out of the opposite end, then shared the bun he bought with Wei Ru Song. After sharing and feeling satiated, Wei Ru Song lay his head upon Xiao Nian’s shoulder and took his habitual afternoon nap.

“The trip leader is going to sleep, Little Student Nian you go check out the route.”

“Ok.”

When Wei Ru Song fell asleep, Xiao Nian uninterestedly read a novel on his phone. When he was a little tired, he browsed his social media accounts. Xiao Nian’s inbox was always full of notifications, he was not bothered with having a large number of unread notifications. He rarely chatted online, always feeling that if there was truly something important people would just give him a call.

Xiao Nian would only start clearing his notifications when he was very very bored, when he opened his Weibo he found out that he had tens of thousands of likes and tens of thousands of comments, with thirty thousand fans. This was a result of his previous clarification on Weibo as well as the upload of his photo with Wei Ru Song.

His fans could be divided into 3 types, the “are you guys a couple” couple group, the “are you still looking for a girlfriend” girls group, and the “congratulations” doubting group. With so many comments, Xiao Nian could not be bothered to reply, he opened the camera app, observing that the lighting was perfect, with shadows interspersing rays of lights reflecting on both him and Wei Ru Song, he took a selfie of both of them.

Xiao Nian’s face could be seen entirely, but due to the strong sunlight it was overexposed, his features could not be seen clearly, while Wei Ru Song was delicately leaning against Xiao Nian’s shoulder, anyone seeing this image would have their hearts beating faster and faces flushed. After thinking for awhile, Xiao Nian captioned the photo with a “zzz”, implying that Wei Ru Song was sleeping.

People immediately liked and commented on the photo.

– Ahhhhhhhhh he finally posted!!!!

– ???? When did I follow this person????

– You still say you’re not gay!! Evil!! Showing off your PDA on 11/11!!

– hahahaha why did you scold Senior stupid? Is this a pet name?

“…”

With all the weird comments, Xiao Nian would be silent if he saw them, Wei Ru Song would cry if he saw them, he was too lazy to re-open Weibo, and continued clearing his notifications.

Mt. Maple was not tall, Xiao Nian and Wei Ru Song reached the peak after hiking for about 2 hours, the sun was about to set, providing the surroundings with a red burning glow, Wei Ru Song felt that all his body aches were gone, he stretched out his arms, with a “dear concubine this is the territory I conquered for you” pose he called out to Xiao Nian.

“Come, Junior, now that I’m in the mood, quick take some photos for me!”

Xiao Nian captured that “dear concubine this is the territory I conquered for you” pose, a “I bought this melon for only 2 dollars” pose, an “if I stood straight enough I’ll never be bent” pose and all sorts of never-seen-before poses. After posing he went happily over to Xiao Nian to take a look, nodding satisfactorily.

“Not bad not bad, Junior your photography skills are fantastic! Come, my turn to take photos for you.”

“I’m good.”

“How can we do that?” Wei Ru Song pushed Xiao Nian in front of the camera. “Come, quick, I’m about to shoot.”

In front of the camera Xiao Nian’s mood changed, he looked carefree, genuine and youthful, naturally dapper, after taking a few shots Wei Ru Song was envious.

“Junior, how are you so photogenic? Tell me the truth, have you been to Milan and walked in a fashion show?”

“I’m not that impressive,” Xiao Nian was still pretty modest, he composedly mentioned. “I used to model, but that was before going to college.”
好嘛，魏如松拨了拨自己拍萧念的照片，又拨了拨萧念拍自己的照片，最后恬不知耻地甩锅：
Fine, Wei Ru Song looked at Xiao Nian’s photos that he took, then looked at his photos that Xiao Nian took, then shamelessly blamed Xiao Nian.

“Why did you take such chauvinistic photos?!”

“…”

They quickly descended the mountain after eating BBQ on the peak, after searching around everywhere they found out – rooms were fully booked.

It was Singles’ Day after all, the chance to spend a passionate night together was all taken by couples, Wei Ru Song had failed to consider this, the rooms were definitely not so popular last year, people today truly have a lack of morals…

Checking with 4 or 5 motels to discover that they were fully occupied, one of the receptionists still arrogantly mocked Wei Ru Song.

“Trying to book a room at this time, in your dreams.”

Wei Ru Song gloomily walked down the street with his bag and Xiao Nian, overwhelmed with sorrow, but Xiao Nian continued walking next to him, his feelings undecipherable.

“Sorry, Junior.”

“Hmm?”

“This accommodation problem is my fault, I was too impulsive, if there’s really no solution we’ll just spend the night at KFC…”

“Ok.”

Maybe the heavens were worried that Xiao Nian would be in danger if he were to spend a night in KFC, they found a small guesthouse in a dim alley, the entrance was very narrow, the receptionist a thickly made-up, heavily perfumed, aged woman.

“A hundred each time, three hundred for the night.”

“…” For once Wei Ru Song understood. “Eh no, we just want to stay for a night.”

The old lady glanced at Xiao Nian and Wei Ru Song, her eyelids caked with pink eyeshadow, and could not help but to stare at Xiao Nian for a little longer.

“Two hundred to stay overnight, condoms and sex toys are not complimentary, you have to spend a minimum of ten dollars.”

“Yes just staying for the night.”

“You have to spend a minimum of ten dollars,” The lady slammed a box on the counter, there were all sorts of condoms in it. “Normal one is ten dollars, extra thin is thirteen, ribbed one is fifteen.”

Wei Ru Song’s face turned white, he finally closed his eyes and handed a normal strawberry flavoured one to the lady, she could not help but laugh when receiving it. In the next second Xiao Nian also selected a normal strawberry flavoured one, Wei Ru Song was puzzled.

“What’s the difference?”

“S is too small, I use XL.”

Wei Ru Song’s asshole suddenly clenched, he too did not know why his asshole tightened, but was already pushed by Xiao Nian who had paid and collected the XL strawberry flavoured normal one to look for their room.