Chapter 18

When I went up the stairs, I was welcomed by an unexpected sight. Sharon was leaning on the door in front of my room.

“Where have you been roaming about like that?”

“Sha-Sharon.”

“What’s with your expression? Weren’t you heading to your room? Come over.”

Hah, I’m going to lose my mind. I wonder what evil scheme she had this time that she’s behaving this way.

To be honest, I didn’t want to get too close to her but I wasn’t in a position to just turn around and walk away. I approached Sharon with heavy footsteps.

“You made me wait so long. What were you so busy doing that you only arrived just now?”

Sharon had an irritated expression on her face, but she didn’t appear to be in a mood as bad as the one she had on the day she pushed me down the stairs.

It didn’t look like she was going to hit me. My sense of relief didn’t last very long.

“You know we’ve received an invitation from the Imperial Palace, right?”

“Yes… I heard about it from the butler a while ago.”

“Don’t attend.”

“Umm, sorry?”

“Are you going to make me say it twice? I said don’t go to the Imperial Palace.”

Sharon thrust her ferocious face before me threateningly. I made a fearful expression and shrugged, trying to placate her.

“Wh-Why…”

“How dare you talk back to me?!”

Sharon kept poking my forehead with her index finger. I stepped backwards to avoid her, but she persistently followed me. My face flushed from the shame.

“You are going to be sick that day. Your fever will be so high that you absolutely cannot go out, understood?”

My back hit the wall. Feeling the cold marble wall behind me, I nodded.

Sharon made a satisfied face and left. With low spirits, I entered my room.

Leah caught on to the situation so she silently took my things and helped me change. We could clearly hear Sharon ranting and bellowing outside.

At the thought that I looked pathetic, I started tearing up. It’s okay, I had already shown that side of me too many times.

But this time, I was truly speechless. This can be described as – “The stone that rolled in takes out the embedded stone” – but even so, how could I just endure being treated like this without saying a word?

When Sharon confronted me, the memories of the past came back. The powerless and incompetent life I lived then wounded my dignity. The terror engraved in my whole body made me freeze.

I thought I had become more daring after recovering the memories of my past life. But when these women who hurt me before appeared before my eyes, the compulsion to not disobey them reared its ugly head.

I wondered if I’d be able to endure.

I didn’t want to suffer the same fate as Adrianna in the novel who was rushed to a dead-end.

I buried my head under the blanket and went to sleep.

***

As soon as I woke up in the morning, I looked out the window and checked the weather. Thankfully, it was very sunny.

Dressing up in clothes I didn’t mind getting dirty, I left the mansion. I was thinking of doing something else today.

I bought a small utility knife, a trowel, and a basket with a handle from general stores. After buying some bread from the bakery across the shop, I hailed a carriage and got on.

“To Mt. Karlinos please.”

Even though I couldn’t be considered an expert, I had some knowledge of medicinal herbs.

When I lived in the village in my past life, there were several instances where if I was sick and it wasn’t something serious, I didn’t see a doctor. I just dug up some medicinal herbs and used them.

Since I lived in a small village, we didn’t have a local doctor so if we wanted to get a checkup, we had to go to a bigger settlement where the treatment cost sky-high. That was how I gained knowledge on medicinal herbs used as home remedies.

The carriage stopped at the end of the road which led to Mt. Karlinos. I paid for the ride, got off the carriage, and stepped on the hiking trail going up the mountain.

“I suppose if I dig up some medicinal herbs and sell them, I’ll make some money for personal allowance.”

Perhaps because Mt. Karlinos was right behind Black Town, there were rumors that demons sometimes appeared there so humans rarely went exploring deep in the mountain.

In my opinion, the more remote the location the more ideal it was for medicinal herbs to thrive. I was proven correct when I saw stalks of medicinal herbs sticking out here and there in the lush foliage.

“There really is a lot.”

I started digging up the herbs, smiling ear to ear. I used the trowel to carefully dig out the plants that had roots with medicinal attributes. For those where only the leaves were medicinal, I cut them with the utility knife and collected everything in the basket.

I could see several people taking a walk at the foot of the mountain, but when I went up higher, I only saw a few people who were either digging up medicinal herbs or gathering wild mountain vegetables.

Most medicinal dealers in the capital were selling herbs that had been purified in the form of medicines so they rarely collect and sell medicinal herbs directly.

Maybe because of that, even though there were people like me who were digging up medicinal herbs here and there, there were no professional harvesters who were using special tools to gather herbs.

Some commoners depended on harvesting wild mountain vegetables for their meals, so I didn’t touch them and only dug up medicinal herbs.

“I can’t even take a break.”

As soon as I dug up one, I would see another one and when I dug that up, I’d spot another.

Being so absorbed in this activity, my back started aching.

“I’ll rest for a moment…”

As I put the basket down and stretched my back, I noticed there were no other people around.

A little while ago, there were a couple of them around. Did I come too deep into the forest without even realizing it?

I pondered whether I should go back down but I hesitated because I felt it was a waste to leave a field full of medicinal herbs especially when there was no competition around.

“I sh – should go back down after digging a little more.”

If I gathered all the medicinal herbs I found, I could’ve gone back with my basket full to the brim… Instead, I decided to gather what was in my immediate vicinity and head down.

The moment I bent back down to return to work, I saw a dark shadow from the corner of my eye.

I was shocked by what I saw that I hid behind a tree. I broke in a cold sweat when I heard it move and rustle around.

It didn’t sound like it was headed towards me. I cautiously took a peek and saw the shadow moving further away.

“That person… doesn’t he look like Vergarde?”

For one, I didn’t think there was anyone other than Vergarde who dressed in an all-black attire like that…

I was not exactly sure of the build of the person, but it looked similar to that of Vergarde’s. He was holding something that suspiciously looked like a bouquet of flowers.

I was curious about what kind of person he was. I kept thinking about him and wanting to get to know him better. My curiosity got the better of me so I carefully followed him.

I knew there was a chance I’d get caught right away, but he was someone who had my wound treated. He wouldn’t kill me just because I met him at a place like this, right…?

After walking for some time, I saw an open space. If I went any further, there would be no trees to hide behind. I stopped and stood where I was, only following Vergarde’s movement with my eyes.

When I looked carefully, I saw that there was a tombstone in the middle of the open space. Vergarde placed the bouquet on the grave. Afterwards, he just stood there silently. Whose grave could it be…?

I thought he had an expressionless face, which showed no feelings, but as I kept looking, I thought there was a look of sorrow on his face.

Was I imagining things or did he really look sad? I didn’t really know much about him so it was hard to confirm. Once I saw the grief on his face, my heart became a mess.

All of a sudden, Vergarde looked in my direction and our eyes met. He looked surprised when he spotted me. Before he could utter a word, I took the initiative to reveal myself.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t peeping on purpose. I came to dig up some medicinal herbs, but coincidentally happened to see you, so…”

“I guess it wasn’t a squirrel after all.”

“Sq – squirrel?”

“Because the sound was so feeble, I thought it was a rabbit chasing a squirrel, or another similar animal.”

He spoke calmly without a hint of anger or displeasure so I felt a little relieved.

“You were wounded last time, is it better now?”

“Sorry?”

I couldn’t even imagine that, in this type of situation, Vergarde would ask me about my injury. I was so startled I asked him to repeat his question without meaning to.

“…I didn’t think my question would be so surprising.”

“I – I am sorry.”

“…”

“…”

I thought he said it just as a polite greeting, but Vergarde kept staring at me as if waiting for my response.

“Thanks to that treatment, it had almost completely healed… It’s also been a while now so I’m feeling better. There isn’t even a scar left anymore,” I answered hesitatingly.

“I see. The speed of healing of human wounds isn’t as slow as I thought it would be.”

“Ah. At that time, I was really thankful. If – if it’s okay with you, at least this…”

Without further thought, I extended the basket towards him as I spoke. Are you crazy, Rian? How could I offer medicinal herbs that still had dirt clinging to them as some kind of gift?

“Didn’t you just say you came to dig up some medicinal herbs?”

“Ye-Yes.”

“Didn’t you dig them up to use them yourself?” he asked before he looked away.

I waited for some time but there was no further conversation. Since he didn’t appear very hostile, I mustered up some courage.

“If it’s not out of line, may I ask whose grave this is?”

“…it’s the grave of someone who died because of me.”

“Because of Mr. Vergarde?”

“A person who probably wouldn’t have died, had I just paid a little more attention. Hence, it’s the same as saying they died because of me.”

These were words that would scare anyone who heard them. His face when he uttered them was briefly full of anguish and sorrow before it quickly disappeared. I felt brave and dared to ask further.

“That’s…”

Because I wasn’t privy to the details of what happened, I couldn’t really say anything but something about his words sounded strange.

I didn’t get how ‘someone, who wouldn’t have died if I had paid more attention’ became ‘someone who died because of me.’ How were they the same thing?

Now that I thought about it, Vergarde died in the novel because of a similar reason. He took all the burden and responsibility and sacrificed himself.

Because of what I was thinking, I ended up blurting the question, “…has your personality always been like that?”

“What?”

“You have a strong sense of responsibility, you feel guilty for matters beyond your control… I wonder, wouldn’t it be okay to sometimes relax and lose some of the burdens on your shoulders?

It really looked like there was a lot of tension on Vergarde’s shoulders, making them look sharp. Of course, that didn’t have anything to do with what I just said.

“You surely speak like someone who knows me rather well.”

“I apologize. But that’s how it seemed to me.”

“…”

Vergarde didn’t react after I answered so I decided to say the rest of what was on my mind.

“This may come across as excessive interference from me but… Even if you can endure the burden now, as time passes by it will weigh you down. You never know, it may even crush you to death.”

“…”

Even then, Vergarde didn’t utter a word. I hoped he wasn’t thinking along the lines of ‘I saved her in vain’…

Still, I just couldn’t refrain from sharing my views. In my past, I felt compassion for him. I wished that now, things would at least be a little less difficult for him.

“There was another person who said the same thing as you.”

“Re… really?”

“At that time, I suppose I had less burden on my shoulders.”

“What about now…?”

“…”

Vergarde became silent again. There was an air of awkwardness.

Ah. Of course. I forgot I had that.

I took out the sandwiches, conveniently wrapped in paper, I bought at the bakery. I took a slice and handed it to Vergarde.

“Please eat.”

Vergarde, who received the sandwich, was caught unawares and had a flustered expression on his face.

“Why the sandwich…”

“When you’re up on the mountain, digging out herbs as you sweat, the sandwich you eat when you take a break to rest is the most delicious, you know. Rest and relaxation also give some peace to the mind.”