Chapter 44: What a Mess

After Feng Xingmie left, Yun Zhonghe did not go to bed right away. He boiled himself a large bucket of hot water and was prepared to take a nice bath.

Previously when there was no opponent, Yun Zhonghe could go around with filthy hair and a dirty face, getting by with the appearance of a beggar.

But now that Chu Zhaoran had appeared, I, Yun Zhonghe, must regain my peerlessly handsome looks.

This was just like a peacock spreading its tail feathers. Without the presence of an opponent, the peacock would be lazy. But once an opponent appeared, the peacock would spread out its entire tail so that every single feather would be completely on display, as though it could not help but wish that even it’s a** could bloom.

And just then.

A figure suddenly walked into Yun Zhonghe’s courtyard.

“AoTian, come here,” said Jing Wubian sneakily.

Yun Zhonghe said, “Brother, what’s the matter?”

Jing Wubian said, “Just come over when I ask you to. Is there a need for all that nonsense?”

Then he grabbed Yun Zhonghe’s wrist and began to pull him out.

“Brother, I’ve not even put on my shirt,” Yun Zhonghe said.

Jing Wubian said, “Put on what shirt? Dilly-dallying away.”

Then, just like that, Yun Zhonghe, naked to the waist, was pulled into a corner of the West Courtyard.

Quite a few people around saw this and instantly cast strange looks their way.

Yun Zhonghe said, “Misunderstanding, misunderstanding. It’s not what you all think it is.”

But for some reason, the looks of these bystanders became even more bizarre.

Yun Zhonghe was pulled into a small room deep within the courtyard.

“Bang!” The door to the room was shut.

Such an isolated corner, such a secluded courtyard, just what do you, Jing Wubian, want to do?

“Look.” Jing Wubian pointed towards the bed.

Yun Zhonghe was considerably taken aback, for there was a great beauty lying on the bed now with her eyes closed.

Black Blood Hall’s Lady Cold Jade.

It was the head of Black Blood Hall, the ruthless and merciless female slayer who had killed hundreds of people that very day.

Jing Wubian said, “AoTian, the words that come out of my mouth are just like the sh*t’s I take. They are always as solid as the real sh*t, absolutely not bullsh*t like mere farts. You won the bet today, so I have knocked Sister Cold Jade unconscious to let you kiss her.”

Suddenly, Yun Zhonghe was dumbstruck.

I… Holy crap!

Jing Wubian, you’re really quite seriously sick for a psychopath. How did you survive until now?

And this is the woman of your teenage fantasies, but you are just going to put her out for your brother to kiss?

Aren’t you a little too big-hearted?

Jing Wubian said, “Hurry up. Sister Cold Jade will wake up soon. By then, we’ll both be finished.”

At that moment, Yun Zhonghe was about to be put through a test of the soul.

Should I kiss her or not?

Jing Wubian, who was standing beside him, said disdainfully, “AoTian, it seems like, with that mouth of yours, you are also just a braggart. At the most critical moment, you are still just a wimp.”

All of a sudden, Yun Zhonghe could not hold himself back anymore.

Quickly moving forward, he held Lady Cold Jade’s cold, compelling face and drew nearer to her.

However…

When he was still an inch away.

Lady Cold Jade’s eyes suddenly opened.

There was a momentary glow that was simply indescribable.

It was the kind of look that a child received when he used boiling hot water to douse the ants’ homes. And it was also the same kind of glow seen when an old eunuch castrated a young man to make him a eunuch as well.

Cold and cruel with a tinge of sarcasm.

Yun Zhonghe was raving on the inside. I… At this point in time, should I advance, or should I retreat? Waiting on the line, feeling quite urgent.

At this critical moment, I cannot be a wimp. I must advance.

Yun Zhonghe quickly moved over to plant a kiss.

But… before he could even touch her, he was held to the ground by Lady Cold Jade.

“Ah… Pain, pain, pain, pain…” Yun Zhonghe howled miserably.

Jing Wubian was dumbfounded. He first took a look at Yun Zhonghe, then glanced at Lady Cold Jade.

It was as though he was making a choice between life and death.

At this time, should I run away? Or should I be a righteous man and save my little brother, Yun AoTian?

Suddenly, he gritted his teeth and stomped his feet.

Jing Wubian’s eyes fell into a dazed state as he said to himself, “Aye, where is this? Why am I here?”

Then he walked away as though he was sleepwalking and left Yun Zhonghe at Lady Cold Jade’s disposal.

D*mn, at this critical moment, a psychopath like you is suddenly back to being a reasonable person?

“Sister Cold Jade. I was wrong. I was really wrong.”

“But you can’t blame me. Any man would go crazy in the face of such a stunning beauty like you, let alone a mere mortal like me who has such a peerlessly handsome face?”

“Will you let go of me first?”

And just then, there was a sudden cracking sound.

Yun Zhonghe shuddered and asked, “I, is my arm broken?”

Lady Cold Jade replied, “Not broken, I simply dislocated it.”

Then, Lady Cold Jade released Yun Zhonghe and said in a cold voice, “Our monarch wants to see you.”

Just as expected. I was just wondering how a useless man like Jing Wubian could possibly knock Lady Cold Jade unconscious. This was just Lady Cold Jade putting up a pretense.

But, Lady Cold Jade, in pretending to faint, could it be that within your heart, you have some ulterior impulse that cannot bear to see the light of the day? On the outside, you’re cold as ice, yet you secretly crave to seek excitement.

Then, Lady Cold Jade headed outside.

With one dislocated arm, Yun Zhonghe got back up on his feet with great difficulty as he followed behind Lady Cold Jade.

“Sister Cold Jade, the way the monarch is treating you, I really can’t bear to take it lying down.”

“You are the monarch’s foremost confidante. Chu Zhaoran, who does he think he is?”

“Sister Cold Jade, rest assured that I will definitely take your side. The two of us will join hands and destroy that little gigolo.”

Yun Zhonghe was trying his best to drive a wedge between her and Chu Zhaoran, but Lady Cold Jade showed no discernible reaction.

They passed by another spot where it was dark and sparse of people. The servant on night watch duty saw the half-naked Yun Zhonghe again. In front of him, there was Lady Cold Jade, and Yun Zhonghe was even sporting a dislocated arm.

God! Are you really that crazy when having fun?

Yun AoTian and Master Jing Wubian were not enough; now even Lady Cold Jade was involved?

Was his personal life that big of a mess?

Yun Zhonghe said, “Please, you all must not misunderstand me. Things are really not what you all make them out to be.”

“We understand, we understand. Your humble subjects will not go around shooting our mouths off,” the servants hurriedly said.

Lady Cold Jade was still expressionless when they arrived at the hall in the central courtyard.

“Go in, Her Lady is waiting for you,” Lady Cold Jade said.

“You’re not going to give me a shirt? I’m going in like this, naked to the waist? It’s not a very good idea for me to do so when there’s only Her Lady and me alone in the room, is it?” Yun Zhonghe asked.

Lady Cold Jade stepped forward, grabbed Yun Zhonghe by the neck, and threw him into the room.

***

Bia-ish!

Yun Zhonghe’s body slammed onto the cold hard ground.

Jing Zhongyue was dressed in a white embroidered robe with black patterned lines stitched into it.

Upon further scrutiny, these embroideries were actually stitched using metallic gold silk. This was just so rich, so luxurious.

Jing Zhongyue was very beauty-conscious and enjoyed showing off. She changed her clothes daily, and every piece of clothing she owned was outright expensive.

“How should I address you? Master Yun of the Great Ying Empire?” Jing Zhongyue asked in an indifferent manner. But every word that came out of her mouth sounded as cold and sharp as the blade of a knife.

Yun Zhonghe originally wanted to get to his feet, but at that moment, he immediately fell back down again.

“I confess. I will confess all of it.”

“My name is Yun Zhonghe. I live by the gate of the City of Chill Water, without a house, without any land. My life is filled with boundless joy.”

“I have no father, no mother. I grew up amidst a gang of beggars. Since I was young, I have been swindling and cheating. I picked and stole.”

“After I grew up, I went around cheating people of money and heart with this peerlessly handsome face of mine.”

“Being out frequently at night, it’s inevitable running into ghosts. Women spell trouble, so it’s inevitable that I will cross paths with their men.”

“I… I seemed to have gotten involved with a woman that I should not have been messing around with. Her man is some big shot who has cast this gigantic, escape-proof net to capture me, and he is dead set on destroying me. So, I could only flee far away, and that’s when I came to the Land of No King.”

“I heard that the castellan of the City of Torn Gust was a beauty and that she had no husband, so I felt that my chance had come. Since I am gifted with the talent of being a gold-digger, I feel that I will be able to marry a fair-skinned, rich and beautiful lady, and make my way up to the peak of life.”

“Everything I’ve said is the truth. Castellan, if there is even one word that is a lie, then just let drown me alive in this life full of sh*t and piss.”

Jing Zhongyue asked him heedlessly, “Do you know which big shot you’ve offended?”

“I have no idea. I got out of that woman’s bed and had just returned to our beggars’ base camp. Yet I found a few dozen people dead. I was scared out of my wits and ran away,” Yun Zhonghe said.

“You have been fooling around with the second wife of the Baron Zhennan of the Great Ying Empire,” Jing Zhongyue said.

Baron Zhennan? That, that was some major big shot! Yun Zhonghe felt his hair rising on end as he said in a stern voice, “How could she do that? She lied to me and said that she was just the concubine of an ordinary official. If I had known that she was a lawfully wedded wife, would I possibly have touched her? We have very clear rules set within our industry. Unless absolutely necessary, never ever touch a lawfully wedded wife. She’s got me into trouble big time, how could she tell such a lie? How could someone be so dishonest?”

Suddenly, the sound of teeth grinding was heard in the surroundings.

It was a lady warrior hiding in the dark.

Jing Zhongyue asked, “Why do you say that lawfully wedded wives are out of bounds to you?”

Yun Zhonghe said, “There are two reasons for this. Firstly, a man marries a wife for her virtuousness but takes a concubine for his lust. This is why lawfully wedded wives are usually not pretty, whereas concubines are beautiful. Secondly, a man can have many concubines, but he will always have only one official wife. This concerns the dignity of a man, so getting involved with a lawfully wedded wife can cause a man to kill.”

Speechless!

This was just too ridiculous.

What kind of bullsh*t theory was this?

“Everyone close to you in the City of Chill Water was killed,” Jing Zhongyue said. “These are the people you have offended. They all want to tear you up limb from limb and cut you into pieces.”

Jing Zhongyue took out a list of names. No, five lists.

These were all densely populated with names, and every single one of them wanted to kill Yun Zhonghe.

“It’s truly not easy for you to have survived up until now.” Jing Zhongyue said, “So who is this Mr. Lee? Why is he risking his life to protect you? He has since been imprisoned and taken to the Great Ying’s Imperial Capital; did you know about this?”

Yun Zhonghe said, “Honestly speaking, I… I myself don’t know who he is, yeah? I wanted to hook up with his daughter, but I failed.”

He was telling the truth. He really had no idea why this Mr. Lee was so good to him, or why he was so desperate to keep Yun Zhonghe safe.

But Jing Zhongyue did not seem to be bothered by this. Instead, she went on reading the information on Yun Zhonghe, which was so detailed that it was simply frightening. It seemed like practically every woman that he had fooled around with, as well as every major disaster that he had ever caused, were all clearly kept on record.

“Who was the one who found all this information?” Yun Zhonghe could not help but ask.

Jing Zhongyue ignored him.

Yun Zhonghe said, “Is it Chu Zhaoran? What does he want? What’s the meaning of this, checking on me like that?”

Jing Zhongyue continued to read, “This man, Yun Zhonghe, is naïve and childish, treacherous and cunning, unlearned and unskilled, but he is intelligent, insane, and unrestrained, especially his looks. He is so peerlessly handsome that it makes him a unique one-in-a-thousand type of person.”

Then Jing Zhongyue looked toward Yun Zhonghe and said, “In terms of looks, are you really considered a unique one-in-a-thousand type of person?”

At that moment, the Yun Zhonghe in front of Jing Zhongyue could be said to be ugly and wretched with a beggar’s appearance.

“How could I possibly be just one out of a thousand people?” Yun Zhonghe sneered and said, “I’m clearly one in a million.”

“Is that so? Then I’d like to see for myself exactly what kind of a one in a million you are.” Jing Zhongyue said, “Someone, take him away and scrub him clean. Change him into a clean embroidered suit.”

“Yes!”

Two lady servants stepped forward. First, they fixed his dislocated shoulder joint. Then, they brought him for a bath to restore his true appearance.

If Yun Zhonghe was really that peerlessly handsome and so unique that he was one in a million, as what the intelligence had said he was, then Jing Zhongyue really had to make good use of him.

***