Chapter 17: His Resolve

The hands that held the horse’s reins trembled.

“……tsk.”

Sitting in the driver’s seat of the carriage, Tedla gripped his hands that wouldn’t stop trembling together in an attempt to suppress the shivers.

If he relaxed, his entire body would shake, he’d be tortured by self-loathing and feelings of guilt, and he’d remember that unpleasant sensation that had been transmitted to him through his hands.

The face of that young boy as he laughed maniacally clung to his eyelids persistently.

A voice called out to Tedla as he shook his head as if to shake off his thoughts.

“Is this your first time killing a person, second son?”

“Kuroitsu-sama……”

Sitting on the back of one of the horses pulling the carriage was Kuroitsu in his black cat form, gazing at Tedla with his golden eyes.

“……I did not become a knight in order to hurt people.”

“Fufu. You are saying that you became one in order to protect people, correct?”

“Yes.”

“However, it does not work that way in reality. You did not understand that in order to protect someone, you must cut down others’ ‘precious people’.”

The cruel reality that had just been thrust onto his face was that it was impossible to protect something without hurting anyone else.

She (Syltina) cut down the people “others wanted to protect” for the sake of those “she wanted to protect”.

“You did not understand that protecting people and hurting people are similar actions.”

Kuroitsu’s words stabbed deeply into Tedla.

“As such, you were weak.”

“……”

“What are your thoughts on the first person you’ve killed?”

“My…tho…ughts?”

Though Tedla was about to say that he wouldn’t have something like that, he bit back those words.

The golden eyes narrowed, as if to peer deeper into his heart.

“Never again, do I-”

After a moment, Tedla opened his mouth.

“I thought that I never want to do it again.”

“……”

“Like I said earlier, I did not become a knight in order to hurt others. I became a knight in order to protect my important people.”

Though he had been born as a noble, the heavy “duty” of one had never fallen upon him.

His superior elder brother would succeed his parents in heading the family. His kind elder sister would handle their connections with other nobles. In order to allow him, the youngest child, to freely do whatever he wanted, his two older siblings took over all of the “duties” of nobles of their own accord.

That was why he thought to become a knight.

“I thought that I wanted to protect my prided elder brother. I thought I wanted to protect my loving elder sister. I thought I wanted to protect my great father. I thought I wanted to protect my stubborn mother. I thought I wanted to protect the populace that they treasured, the king, the queen, the prince, and my friends.”

His motive was but a simple thing.

He just wanted to protect his precious family. And he wanted to protect those that his family thought of as precious as well.

“However, 2 years ago, I, to someone that I thought I wanted to protect……I was unable to protect my elder sister.”

On the contrary, he himself had hurt, betrayed, and abandoned her.

“Even if I regretted it, it was too late; even if I knew the truth, I was powerless; and even if I apologized, it wouldn’t reach her…………I could not do anything for her……”

He had regretted it all this time.

He had grieved it all this time.

He had resented it all this time.

He had hated it all this time.

All this time……indeed, all this time. That foolish, shallow, ignorant and irredeemable him from 2 years ago. He wanted to erase that him so much it couldn’t be helped.

That was why when she (Syltina) chose to be the Saintess’ escort, he decided to follow along as well.

He was more than aware of the fact that he was weak.

He knew that he would become a burden.

Even so, he thought that this time, he wanted to protect her.

That was why-

“I never want to kill another person again. However, in spite of that, if it is for the sake of protecting Syltina-sama, I will wield my sword. I believe that is something that I can do, and that it is something that I must do.”

“Fuhaha. You are kind, second son. Not matter how bad a crisis you or the Prince get into in the future, Sylti has absolutely no intention of helping you; even if you are right in front of her. Even so, are you saying that you will still protect Sylti despite that?”

“It is no doubt presumptuous of me to say that I will protect her even though I am weaker than her. That is why I will protect the ‘things she won’t protect’.”

The Syltina that he had met after 2 years was not so weak as to need his protection.

She had obtained the strength to be able to cast away the “past” things that she had treasured for the sake of the “current” things that she treasures.

That was precisely why he would wield his sword.

“I will protect the things that she has cast away. If that includes me and Fract-sama, then I will protect myself and Fract-sama. Until this journey safely ends, I will protect our well-being; even if we are merely luggage to all of you. So that the foolish people of this country have no reason to condemn all of you at the end of this journey……”

The people of this country shamelessly clung to someone whom they had abandoned 2 years ago to take care of a crisis that they had brought upon themselves. At the end of their journey, they would surely use the titles of “Prince” and “Duke’s son” that they (Fract and Tedla) held in order to create an opportunity to persecute Syltina’s group, if the two of them did not come back healthily and in one piece.

And then, giving some selfish reason, they’d either refuse to give them a reward and expel Syltina and her friends from the country, or forcibly keep them in the country as military assets.

“I understand that all of you have no desire to travel together with people like us. However, it would be best for any sparks that are created to be as small as possible.”

Tedla was sure that the reason why the King allowed him, who was but a mere knight-in-training, and the useless Prince, who only had an overinflated ego, to travel with them was only for the sake of that plan.

Even if neither of them died, he (the King) probably thought that it’d be fine if either of them lost an arm or so.

And he probably thought that the one who had the highest possibility of such a fate befalling him was Tedla, who had offered his body to protect the Prince.

“Like I’d move according to his plans!”

“……”

“I wouldn’t even give a single one of my arms for the sake of this country’s rotten plans.”

He’d protect the Prince. He’d protect himself.

And then, when this journey ended, he’d laugh in front of the King and everyone else.

He’d say, “Everyone is safe”.

“That is the only way that I can protect Syltina-sama.”

“Fufu…hahahahaha!! Interesting! As expected of someone related to Sylti by blood. I thought that you were all people that weren’t worth saving, but you are quite the person. I do not hate people like you. Until this journey ends, do your best to avoid dying. If you do that, then I may lend you a hand to make your words reach Sylti.”

“Eh?”

“Until then, polish up that sword arm of yours. If you don’t make it so that you’ll at least be able to take down a child in a single hit, the future will look grim for you.”

“Ah…y-yes.”

After spinning his words in enjoyment, Kuroitsu nodded and jumped off from the horse’s back; as if to declare the conversation was over. Changing back into his black horse form, Kuroitsu headed over to Syltina, who was riding on Karen with Alhart.

“I’ll become stronger. I have to. So that I’ll be able to protect her this time.”

His hand holding the reins gripped tightly.

Before he knew it, the trembling had stopped.