Chapter 34: Drunk And Out Of Control.

Gu Heyan was confused: “Hot?”

Mu Zhiming touched his forehead, breathed in and out, then said in a low voice: “….Yes, why do I feel so hot and stuffy?”

Gu Heyan frowned, turning his head to look at the doors and windows. When he saw that there were gaps in the doors, and the windows were wide open, he thought: ‘This village is located on the Northern border, and the weather is already cold since winter is approaching. How could he feel hot and suffocated?’

As Gu Heyan worriedly looked at Mu Zhiming, he asked: “Is there something wrong with your body?”

“I don’t know, it’s just….I feel….dizzy….” Mu Zhiming shook his head, trying to focus his gaze, but no matter what, his eyes were still unfocused. It was as if his eyes had been covered with a light layer of mist. As Mu Zhiming pressed his forehead, he tried to figure out what was wrong with him. All of a sudden, his eyes fell on the empty clay jar close to his hand.

Right when the innkeeper had walked into the main hall from the courtyard, Mu Zhiming held onto the last trace of sobriety and sanity he had left, asking the innkeeper: “Boss, what is this milk brew made of? Was it….mixed with wine?”

The innkeeper laughed happily and said: “Gongzi, what are you saying? How could it be mixed with wine?”

Mu Zhiming let out a long sigh of relief.

But at that moment, the innkeeper added: “This is wine!”

Mu Zhiming: “….”

Mu Zhiming’s face looked devastated as he held his head with both hands. Suddenly, Mu Zhiming jumped out from his seat and grabbed Gu Heyan’s wrist, who sat beside him, and said: “Knock me out, quick! Now, now, hurry! Otherwise, it will be too late!”

Gu Heyan frowned worriedly: “What’s going on?”

Mu Zhiming replied dizzily: “I’m about to lose consciousness.”

As soon as those words left his mouth, Mu Zhiming fell forward and into Gu Heyan’s arms.

Fortunately, Gu Heyan’s arms were strong and his posture was stable, so Mu Zhiming didn’t fall off the wooden stool, avoiding what could have been a tragic situation. Such as Gu Heyan falling to the ground with Mu Zhiming. Since it all happened so fast, Gu Heyan couldn’t recover right away, and simply stiffly held Mu Zhiming in his arms. After what felt like a long time, Gu Heyan finally realized what he was doing and hurriedly wrapped his arms around Mu Zhiming, so that Mu Zhiming could comfortably lay in his arms. Gu Heyan called out to Mu Zhiming a few times, but Mu Zhiming didn’t reply. Instead, Mu Zhiming mumbled to himself. Mu Zhiming’s cheeks were flushed red, making him look like a sleepy drunk.

Gu Heyan looked both helpless and distressed. After pondering for a moment, Gu Heyan gently picked up Mu Zhiming and put him on the wooden stool, letting him rest for a while. Then, Gu Heyan got up and walked to the courtyard to ask the innkeeper for a bowl of warm boiled water.

However, when Gu Heyan returned to the main hall, Mu Zhiming had disappeared.

The wooden door of the inn, which had been slightly open not long ago, was now wide open. At a single glance, it was clear that Mu Zhiming had walked through the door.

Gu Heyan immediately panicked, dropped the bowl of warm water on the ground, and hurried out of the inn to look for Mu Zhiming.

In the dead of night, only the sound of the wind was present, while the cold moon hung silently high in the sky. The village wasn’t big, so it didn’t take long for Gu Heyan to find Mu Zhiming.

Mu Zhiming was sitting on the short gate, made of yellow loess, at the entrance to the village. He was leaning against the crenel1 and kicking his legs as he looked up at the sky. When the silent moonlight fell into his blank eyes, it made him look somewhat lonely and desolate.

The loess gate was less than 3 meters high, which wasn’t high at all, but Mu Zhiming was drunk and confused now, so it would be quite dangerous if he were to fall.

Gu Heyan easily jumped the town gate with his Qinggong and stood behind Mu Zhiming.

Mu Zhiming turned his head to look at Gu Heyan, but said nothing.

Gu Heyan said hesitantly: “Do you want to go back?”

Mu Zhiming asked: “Back to where?”

Gu Heyan said: “The inn.”

“Isn’t it good here?”

“It’s not good. There’s a lot of wind and it’s freezing outside. You could catch a cold.”

Mu Zhiming bowed his head, remaining silent as he blankly stared at his hanging feet, thinking of unknown things and the unreachable. At that moment, Mu Zhiming slowly opened his mouth, and with an almost inaudible voice, he said: “I want to jump down.”

Gu Heyan was stunned to hear this, and even took a step forward to stand closer to Mu Zhiming: “You’re drunk.”

Mu Zhiming didn’t speak again.

Gu Heyan pondered for a moment and asked: “Why do you want to jump?”

Mu Zhiming smiled, but the expression on his face was extremely sad. He slowly said: “Because….because the snowy night is so cold….I can’t endure it anymore….”

As soon as he finished saying those words, two lines of tears fell down Mu Zhiming’s eyes like a waterfall. The crystalline tears, which slid down the tender skin of Mu Zhiming’s cheeks, intertwined with the pale moonlight, until they finally fell on the yellow sand. At that moment, Mu Zhiming couldn’t help but sob.

In fact, Mu Zhiming spent every day afraid. He was afraid of repeating the same mistakes, and that everything would happen again. Afraid that he wouldn’t be able to protect the Mu family. Afraid of waking up one day, only to find himself back on that snowy sorrowful night, where he was left completely alone between Heaven and Earth, without any will to live.

Mu Zhiming would often have nightmares of his past life. He dreamed of his father being beheaded, his mother freezing to death in a dilapidated temple, the Noble Consort hanging herself, Fu Ji’an drinking poisonous wine, Caiwei falling down the stairs, dying with her baby, and Wen Heyin being found dead in the street, covered in bruises and ugly scars.

It’s too painful to separate with the people you care about in life and death.

When Mu Zhiming cried to the point of being out of breath, someone reached out to touch one side of his face and then gently lifted up his chin. As he continued to sob, Mu Zhiming slowly looked up, meeting Gu Heyan’s deep eyes.

Gu Heyan then pulled up his sleeve to wipe Mu Zhiming’s tears. With a panicked tone of voice, he said: “Don’t cry.”

Mu Zhiming ignored him and continued to sob.

Gu Heyan couldn’t understand what this drunken man was thinking, so after pondering for a moment, he finally said: “If you want to jump, then do it. I’ll catch you.”

Mu Zhiming seemed to realize something and had a sudden reaction. As he hurried to look up again, Mu Zhiming choked with sobs: “You’ll catch me?”

“Mm-hmm.” Gu Heyan nodded solemnly. “I’ll catch you under the town’s gate. I won’t let you get hurt.”

Mu Zhiming grabbed the hand that was still caressing his chin, and asked: “What about afterwards?”

Gu Heyan was stunned, but because he couldn’t understand what Mu Zhiming meant by that, he didn’t dare to reply. Mu Zhiming, on the other hand, asked again with teary eyes: “If I were to fall again in the future, would you still catch me?”

“As long as I’m by your side,” Gu Heyan said, “I will definitely catch you.”

Mu Zhiming: “I don’t want to jump.”

Mu Zhiming then stood up, but since he was drunk, he staggered and had to lean against the crenel, frightened. Gu Heyan hurriedly stretched out his hands to protect Mu Zhiming, fortunately, Mu Zhiming didn’t lose his balance or fall. Standing against the wind, Mu Zhiming realized that he was over the town’s gate, so he muttered: “How strange. How did I get up here when it’s so high?”

Gu Heyan: “…..”

‘I really didn’t expect Mu Zhiming would act and look like this when he’s drunk.’

“I….can’t get down….Could you please….carry me down?” As the wind blew, Mu Zhiming began to feel hungover, which made it impossible for him to speak coherently, as if his tongue was tied in a knot.

“Hmm.” Gu Heyan nodded, turned around, and squatted down.

Mu Zhiming leaned on Gu Heyan’s back and hugged his neck, feeling inexplicably at ease. The peace of mind he felt wasn’t a coincidence. When Gu Heyan jumped down from the town’s gate with Mu Zhiming on his back, Gu Heyan landed safely and securely on the ground, without any unforeseen incidents.

After landing safely, Gu Heyan didn’t put Mu Zhiming down. Instead, he whispered: “Close your eyes and rest. I’ll carry you back to the inn.”

Mu Zhiming tightened his arms around Gu Heyan’s neck and shook his head. Since Mu Zhiming’s head was tilted to the side, when he shook his head, his cheek rubbed against the side of Gu Heyan’s neck: “I don’t want to sleep. Gu Yuyi, won’t you get tired if you carry me all the way back?”

‘He’s calling me by my given name so casually, he’s really drunk.’

Gu Heyan said: “No, I won’t get tired.”

“Thank you, you’re so kind.” Mu Zhiming grinned.

When Gu Heyan heard Mu Zhiming say those words, he looked at the peaceful village in front of him absentmindedly. As Gu Heyan felt Mu Zhiming’s warm chest against his back, listening to his soft and delicate breathing, Gu Heyan suddenly thought: ‘Perhaps this life is going to be different from my previous one.’

‘Now that everything has started all over again, Mu Zhiming doesn’t remember his previous life and doesn’t know how happy he was back then. Moreover, he doesn’t know that Fu Yi and him were once the perfect match made by Heaven… Does that mean I have a chance to fight for his affection?’

‘Will I be able to get Mu Zhiming to keep his gaze fixed on me? Will I be able, in this life, to stay among the soft breeze in the mountains and rivers under the incredibly beautiful moonlight?’

Gu Heyan is basically saying: “Will I have the will to fight for Mu Zhiming’s affection? Will I have the will to continue living (in my country) this time?”

Since in his past life he died way before Mu Zhiming’s life went downhill so he doesn’t know how miserable Mu Zhiming’s life actually was….and it also shows that Gu Heyan didn’t had the intention to change anything from his past life, which means he was willing to die the same way he did before.

But now he’s like: “If Mu Zhiming likes me even a little bit, I’ll make sure to not die this time.”

……

Gu Heyan !!! 😭😭 My heart! 💔💞