Chapter 35: Both In The Past Life And In This One, There Has Never Been, Nor Will There Be, A Chance.

In the dead of the night, as Gu Heyan carried Mu Zhiming back to the inn, the village was peaceful and quiet. Mu Zhiming was so drunk that his words slurred when he spoke. But since he didn’t want to keep quiet, Mu Zhiming kept talking: “Gu~ He~yan~”

“Hm?”

“I’ll hum a song for you, alright?”

“Hmm.”

Mu Zhiming then began to hum a song in Gu Heyan’s ear. Since he was drunk, his humming would go in and out of tune. After Mu Zhiming finished humming, he criticized himself: “I hum so badly.”

Gu Heyan raised the corners of his mouth in a soft smile.

“You’re smiling.” As if Mu Zhiming had discovered something odd, he stared closely at Gu Heyan from the side: “I just noticed, I never really saw you smile.”

Gu Heyan said: “You have seen it now.”

For a moment, Mu Zhiming was completely taken aback. Then, as if he had discovered something great, Mu Zhiming narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, trying hard not to smile.

It was at that moment that Gu Heyan had finally realized that he had truly been reborn. That he was living a new life, and that everything had started anew. Therefore, he shouldn’t give in and retreat in panic.

Now, Gu Heyan wanted to try and compete with Fu Yi.

However, right the next second, Gu Heyan heard Mu Zhiming whisper: “Gu Heyan, I’m sorry that I didn’t return the Phoenix Nirvana red agate jade pendant to you in my previous life. ”

As soon as Mu Zhiming said this, he felt that the man carrying him on his back stopped walking and even began to tremble.

“What’s wrong?” Mu Zhiming asked, confused.

At some point, the cold moon hid behind black clouds, and the cold wind was tinged with gloom. Winter was approaching the desert. The air was so cold, it felt like ice as it penetrated one’s body. It was almost as if it was snowing.

Immersed in that silence, the things that had seemed strange to Gu Heyan until now, began to surface one after the other in his mind.

The fact that Mu Zhiming can speak the Gouji language so skillfully now, and doesn’t need Xiahou Hu to teach him.

The fact that it took Mu Zhiming only half a day to understand what was recorded on the stone, even understanding the Gouji written style, which was something no beginner can do….

More importantly, Gu Heyan remembered that in the realm of chaos between their past and present lives, he had indeed walked down that bridge alongside Mu Zhiming….

Gu Heyan took a deep breath, and with a trembling voice, he asked: “Mu Zhiming, do you….still remember your relationship with the Fifth Prince?”

When Fu Yi was mentioned, Mu Zhiming couldn’t stop himself from sneering in his mind. Although Mu Zhiming didn’t understand why Gu Heyan was suddenly asking him something like this, he wasn’t completely conscious when drunk, so he answered: “I remember. Naturally, it’s something I can’t forget.”

Gu Heyan’s eyes immediately darkened. From that moment on, the deep pool within his eyes went dead still. As if nothing and no one could produce more ripples in the pool of his eyes.

After breathing out a cold breath, Gu Heyan remembered the days before his last campaign to the frontier in his previous life. At that time, he would constantly wake up in the middle of the night, his hands would shake so hard that everything he grabbed would end up on the ground. Gu Heyan was tormented by an inexplicable panic and anxiety day after day, so much so that one day, he ended up committing a disrespectful act.

”
”
The day before his departure, Gu Heyan went to the residence of the Duke of Yan to look for Mu Zhiming.

However, instead of visiting openly, Gu Heyan sneaked over the residence’s wall and into the courtyard.

After all, he only wanted to look at Mu Zhiming from afar.

Thus, in late spring, when Gu Heyan entered the courtyard in the afternoon, the breeze was intoxicated with the smell of wine. Gu Heyan hid behind the false rockery in the courtyard, only to witness Fu Yi say something to Mu Zhiming, and then….

Then Fu Yi lowered his head and kissed Mu Zhiming.

In his previous life, Gu Heyan withdrew his gaze and focused on staring at his boots, which were stained with mud.

In this life, with a completely pale face, Gu Heyan was looking up at the sky, which was dark due to the lack of moonlight.

‘Having wandered this land all alone, it’s difficult to repair the luan mirror that has been broken1 by someone else’s love. Both in this life and in the past, I have never had, nor will I ever have, a chance with you.’

‘It turns out that, from beginning to end, I have been deceived by my own delusional thoughts.’

—

Mu Zhiming didn’t know why Gu Heyan became silent all of a sudden, and the questions he had on his mind weren’t answered either. Suddenly, a cold wind blew by, and Mu Zhiming, who couldn’t tolerate the cold, shivered.

At that moment, Gu Heyan recovered from his trance and hurried to walk into the inn with Mu Zhiming on his back.

When the two finally returned to their room in the inn, Gu Heyan carefully placed the still confused Mu Zhiming on the bed. However, as soon as Mu Zhiming left Gu Heyan’s back, Mu Zhiming sat up on the bed, as if he had lost something and grabbed Gu Heyan’s arm, who had turned to leave.

Gu Heyan said: “I’ll go get you a bowl of hot water.”

Mu Zhiming intently stared at Gu Heyan with teary eyes, with a watery mist that wouldn’t go away: “Who am I? Who are you? Where are we?”

Before Gu Heyan could reply, Mu Zhiming interrupted him: “Wait, don’t tell me. I can recognize myself.”

The drunkard bowed his head and tightly pulled Gu Heyan’s arm: “You, you, come closer. I’m a little dizzy, I can’t see your face clearly. Can you bend over a bit?”

Gu Heyan obediently crouched down beside the bed. Seeing this, Mu Zhiming smiled and reached out his hand to touch Gu Heyan’s face. Gu Heyan’s body stiffened like a stone, not daring to move even an inch.

With the help of the candlelight, Mu Zhiming traced Gu Heyan’s beautiful face, eyebrows, and eyes with his gaze.

‘I know who he is.’

‘He’s a person who looks cold and indifferent on the surface. But in reality, he’s as sensitive and gentle as a spring stream.’

‘Even though he doesn’t like me, he treats everyone with courtesy, benevolence, and righteousness.’

‘He dedicated his entire life to serve his country and his people with utmost dedication. Such loyalty was forever etched in the pages of history books.’

‘He’s affectionate and righteous. A man who also considers the people working in his family Residence as friends.’

‘He’s really good. Everything about him is good, even his given and courtesy names are good. Heyan, Yuyi. With such a bright, blazing, and powerful flame, he can even dare to burn spirits, devils, monsters, and demons to death2.’

Mu Zhiming was so drunk that he was delirious, and a sudden idea formed in his mind. As he blinked his eyes, he shouted softly: “You are….Yi-gege.”

The person in front of him was stunned, and his eyelashes trembled slightly. Gu Heyan couldn’t believe his ears.

Right when Gu Heyan began to think he may have heard wrong, Mu Zhiming ignored his surprise and shouted again: “Yi-gege!”

This time it was impossible for Gu Heyan to mishear.

Gu Heyan’s lips trembled and he seemed lost in thought, mumbling repeatedly: “Yi3….gege?”

“Mm-hmm.” Mu Zhiming nodded proudly.

Gu Heyan took a deep breath and his blood instantly turned cold. As he closed his eyes, Gu Heyan grabbed Mu Zhiming’s hand that was touching his face and lowered it. In a hoarse voice, Gu Heyan said: “You are drunk and you have mistaken me. I’m not your Yi-gege. I’ll bring you a bowl of hot water.” After saying that, Gu Heyan stood up and left the room.

Mu Zhiming thought that Gu Heyan didn’t like being called that way. For a moment, he felt downcast and depressed.

Not long after, Gu Heyan brought a bowl of warm water into the room. After taking the bowl, Mu Zhiming lowered his head and slowly drank it all. Once Gu Heyan saw that Mu Zhiming had finished drinking the water, he reached out to grab the empty bowl.

At that moment, Mu Zhiming held Gu Heyan’s hand, looked up at him, and asked: “Can’t you be my Yi-gege?”

Gu Heyan was speechless.

Mu Zhiming whispered, “I know Yi-gege doesn’t like me because he thinks I’m just a rich kid, who only likes to play a lot. But actually, I’m not like that at all. So, can you like me, even a little? Only a little.”

Gu Heyan: “He doesn’t dislike you. He will like you.”

‘Just like my previous life, you only had him in your eyes. He had promised you a life of happiness together. A life that you will enjoy as a couple until old age. I’m just a passerby. I will not disturb your happiness for the rest of your life.’

“Really?” When Mu Zhiming heard Gu Heyan’s words, he was delighted. “Will Yi-gege really like me in the future?”

Gu Heyan: “He will.”

Mu Zhiming curved his eyes and smiled. As he clasped Gu Heyan’s hand tighter, he said: “Alright, I’ll wait.”

“Go to sleep.” Gu Heyan looked away.

That night, Mu Zhiming was unable to sleep soundly. In a confused state, he had all kinds of strange dreams. In his dream, he could vaguely hear the cold wind of the desert frontier crossing over the room, like a choked sigh.