Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Lu Havre rubbed his forehead. A large hand shaded his face. He had covered his face with his hands, unconsciously.

He had never wanted someone. He never developed an attachment to anyone in the first place. He could not afford those. Emotions were a luxury.

The royals treated him like a dog, and so he acted with treacherous obedience. The king, the former queen, the former concubines, and his siblings were not people to be liked by him. Secondly, the closest person to him would be Etutu, who was only his best servant and vassal. The nobility could not easily gain his favor, either, whether a man or a woman.

The only criterion to discriminate between people was whether or not that person would be useful in making him a king.

Basically, he was the one who looked at others as colorless.

Nothing changed after he became king. He interacted with others only to revive the country and strengthen the throne. He was active in finding talented people, but it was rare in his life that he started the interaction with his personal favor.

Ashite didn’t mean much at first, either. She was just a byproduct of the war. He was not interested in her actions or what she wanted or thought.

Ashite-Ploca, the princess of Skara. He had read Etutu’s detailed report on her. He knew she was the princess of Skara, and he knew her mother was a free spirit. As a person from Skara, she would enjoy reading quite a bit, and she would know what it was like to be treated contemptuously as a daughter of concubines.

But what was this all about?

The princess was not a good political ally for him. She had not taken the first steps to attract his attention or interest. He met many people like her, even the Prince of Skara. So, it would be the same for the Princess of Skara.

But one day, he met her in the library and learned that she liked books quite a bit and that she had gone to the philosopher’s library. The seeds of personal interest in her were planted. He realized that was the beginning.

He had never missed something once he was interested. He had become king by his own will. So, the seed soon sprouted. He knew just then. The etiquette professor revealed the fact that she was quite smart. The baron, who was a librarian in the royal library, also proved that.

So, he would never treat her harshly. He originally had not wanted to treat any woman violently. The favors and caring continued. Whether he had been aware or not, thinking about it at the moment, it was all coming from his attraction to her.

He realized little by little every time he spoke with her about Wroclaw or other small matters. She was different from the other noblewomen that he had seen at the banquet. She was clearly different from the women who had the thick smell of powder, smiled formally, talked pretentiously, and only thought about becoming queens.

The shine in her yellow eyes expressed a little more active attitude than the others. She looked expressive more and more these days. The more he got to know her and the more he spent time with her, he realized she was changing little by little. She said her life was satisfying, so she might start to get back to her regular self. And above all, there was something more impressive than anything. She danced very beautifully.

Her every little word, every action, began to catch his eyes, and he started to wonder about her. It didn’t take long for that to happen. For the first time, he began to take an interest in somebody personally. He was a little overly concerned, curious, and excited. That emotion was quite okay. He didn’t feel the need to suppress himself and squash his feelings. He didn’t even pass carelessly over Yerev’s reports.

But soon, it had become more important to speak to her in person than to read those documents. It was enough if she just smiled once or thanked him with a slight smile. If she was talked like a little bird about books and other trivial things, it was satisfying, and if he saw her dance, it was perfect. Something so strangely soft filled his heart when he saw her like that. It was quite good.

He recognized that he had given her too much already, but it was true that he didn’t feel like it was a waste.

He had already applied for the Menang escort, and he now knew why he had asked her. He didn’t want to let her smile go to another man. It was not a simple crush anymore. He thought he applied for the escort with tenuous interest or maybe out of his duty as a king or a faint curiosity.

But those things had already passed. He didn’t regret it, not at all. He just wasn’t fully aware. He could not take it back; he had already given her so much.

And at that moment, he wished that her smile would exist only for him. That those eyes would look only at him. He wanted her.

He honestly didn’t know he would fall in love.

Wasn’t love a finite, variable emotion? He remembered her mother, who had blamed the king and laughed at love. He was confident that he could repeat his mother’s will word for word. He eventually would marry, but he never thought he would need love.

But funny, the mind he had been keeping whole these 30 years, was disturbed. It was a drop that caused a flood. It was a wave that had come from a rush. It was a ripple that had spread. It was sprouts that were wriggling.

He had never been loved or learned of love. He had thought love was an emotion that he couldn’t trust. But how easily that idea fell down, the idea he had clung to his whole life, how funny.

“I want her. I can’t stop thinking like this. How easily she shakes me. How didn’t I notice she was this kind of woman? How didn’t I know? How easily was I swept away?” he thought. Everything he experienced was new to him.

Lu Havre was a man who admitted what he should, although he was surprised by how defenseless he was.

Finally, he accepted his heart. He could not go back. He soaked himself in the rain. The colossal wave swallowed him. The ripple thrashed and shook all his heart. The sprout had already bloomed.

Ashite. He rolled her name on his tongue. Ashite. He felt it tickle his mouth. Ashite. Her name was as soft and smooth as her smile.

And he wished she knew his heart.

He always got what he wanted. So, how could he have her?

Since he had become a king, he had never ignored his feelings, so it was not difficult for him to show his mind honestly. He didn’t feel ashamed of it, either. He had a thought that he wanted to have her. He didn’t want to give her to anyone else. He was not sure of the reason why he could not stop thinking about it, whether it was because of too much greed or his inability to control his emotions, as it was the first time he had ever had this feeling.

“But what if she rejects me?” Lu Havre thought.

The thought that suddenly struck him sent a chill down his spine. He had never felt this in his life, but his confidence faded suddenly.

He was the king of Monterobis, but she was the woman that didn’t want the king. He knew it well. She was the woman who could be satisfied with a peaceful life. She was not the woman who indulged in luxury. She didn’t chase any fancy jewelry or noble position. She didn’t put up a pretense and wasn’t a hypocrite. She was the woman that didn’t want more than what she needed. She was a lightly bouncing drizzle, a little sprout, or pinkish-purple colored flower.

She could turn him down. That thought alone made him feel heavy. Maybe she would avoid him, feeling burdened. “Oh!” He sighed subconsciously.

He had not even started, but he didn’t want to give up on her like this.

Lu Havre kept leaning against the window and staring at her. Ashite seemed a little excited as she continued her pleasant conversation.

Those excited faces; she kept a smile when she talked to him, too. That was not fake.

In other words, she didn’t hate him, that was for sure. Now it was time for him to try to make her feel deeply and see him as a man.

“What should I do? How could it be?” Lu Havre continued thinking.

It was time to do something he had never been interested in. He had to think about a way to win a lady’s heart.

“First,” he thought, “I’ll keep caring for her with this deep, deep heart. Will it work if I treat her with more respect and favor? What else could I do? I shall think more.”

Then, one day, she would see him back.

Lu Havre decided to hold on to hope. Because, Ashite, he didn’t want to miss this, such a soft nuance and such a beautiful smile. The negative thoughts would not be helpful. “If she looked back at me.” Lu Havre smiled gently.