I see that you still refuse to look at me even though I had loved you.

I thought over and over about how you told me that I didn’t love you because you were different from me. I knew of your deception. I already knew the truth that you would betray me. It was an anger that could not be quelled by striking my cheek. Even as I collapsed, you did not look back, and I became determined never to go looking for you again. Every time your name came up at the banquet, I would be reminded of you, and I thought about it again and again,

But, in the end, my body still yearned for you. Even as I blocked the path and forgot about it, I was still walking towards you. I spent many nights waiting and reminiscing about you.

Because that night, at least, you had come to look up at me. You couldn’t hide your erratic breathing. Just to see me.

***

The child had not originally wanted anything. Because there wasn’t anything that he could not get. From the moment he could walk, he was showered with gifts, and with no competitors, he never felt rushed, and to his parents, he was nothing short of perfect. And in that perfect upbringing, without a single thing he lacked, he grew.

He was so intelligent that one day, this child, without a shred of evidence, figured out everything.

“What more do you need?”

“How many more times do I have to tell you!”

“…Is the chief of staff not enough?”

“What…Ha, do you think I don’t know that is just for show?”

“…Let’s stop this now. Ravenna. I did the best I can. It’s already too much.”

“Why….”

“…”

“…Why won’t you listen to what I say― Ack!”

Seeing the woman get slapped on the cheek, the child thought.

This will not get recorded in history and was the darkest part of their life that would never be told. That was the first objective judgment that became engraved in his mind. This calculating observation was such a norm for him that he didn’t think of the possibility that he would seem cold. Even if the possibility had been registered, he wouldn’t have paid it much attention.

Afterward, he thought that the woman’s greed was excessive and that it warranted the king’s anger. The child knew that there was a more worthy person for this position than the one who sat in it now. Originally, the nobilities of Banne were much more respected than those of the Torre. Plus, she was not suitable to even handle the needs of the position. So to want it, was nothing more than the woman’s greed. He also figured out her reason for wanting it.

The woman had been the perfect mother on a regular basis, but when compared to the Banne woman, her eyes would waver, and her smile would shrivel. When he had turned five, he realized what these subtle changes meant. Inferiority complex. He realized that this was also the reason his father didn’t take a concubine because his mother would feel threatened by any other woman.

But why?

The woman used her body to get to the highest seat that she could get where everyone around her bows down to her, yet her greed continues to grow. For a Torre to get the position of treasurer was outrageous enough, that at this point, her actions were smearing the king’s good name. How dare she speak to this country’s king in this way. Can’t you see how much the king has already tolerated you?

The child wondered if this was just how the Torre women were born to act. Or maybe this was just how all women acted.

The child shook his head and quietly retreated.

The child’s name was Delfinus. The child decided to make a plan. As if nothing had happened, he calmly, and as always in his well-educated upbringing, grew older. He finally reached maturity in age and became the crown prince.

The crown prince took in a consenza. She was a nice suitable girl. He felt deep affection for her and decided on it. She was a consenza that would be of help to the royal family. No other reason was needed.

Later, the war started. The crown prince followed the king to war. But a few years later, the king passed away. Becoming the heir was inevitable. The crown prince guarded over the king’s body and returned to the palace. The queen, who had been practically beaten to death by the king met him with a ghostly white face. She would soon wither away due to illness and live the rest of her days in bed. It did not take long for her to reach death. Her death was also inevitable. His sister, who followed only her mother, now refused to go outside the palace. Her shock must have been great because that child died also. A large scale funeral was held.

Now, the crown prince had no family other than his wife. Their country was at war, and he was young, but he became king, and he had to create an heir. Rushed in desperation, he took in a concubine. The queen seemed to have wanted to say something to the king, but he paid her no attention.

How dare she interfere with the king’s duties. Aware of her position, she opened and closed her mouth a couple of times in silence then closed it shut. The king was content with that. She would not be allowed to be greedy or overstep her boundaries.

The crown prince had received the best education, yet fulfilling the duties as king was a first and so it took a long time to get accustomed to it. And finally, his first child was born. The queen stroked the child as she smiled in satisfaction at her feat. The concubine bore a child the following year. Both were daughters, but they carried the precious blood of the Skara royal line, so the king felt relieved. Then he soon went back to war.

However, the war was not a devastating one. The king would have to travel south sometimes, only to encourage his troops. Still, he was the best soldier to navigate the war. A few more years passed by.

The two children were now three to four years old. The tides had changed, and a truce had been reached. The king headed back to the capital. He was returning back to the country he had not been able to care for some time. With a light heart, he would sometimes make his rounds around the city.

Then he met a woman.

The king felt something in his heart morph entirely.

Ten years passed like that. And one day, he found out that she had hung herself.

Delphinus crumbled the paper.

//…Nothing…//

Vicious girl. If I had known how disrespectful you were, I would have never spared you a second glance. But how could it be that I only had eyes for you? Why was my attention directed so keenly at you?

That purple hair, the golden eyes. And the extreme softness of her skin.

His teeth clattered. Even as he clenched them together, they trembled.

But still, or maybe inevitably so, he remembered the first time he met her clearly.

//”I just thought that your dance was so lovely.”//

There had never been more truth to his words than at that moment. It was summertime at the capital, and that woman seemed to have a way of entrancing anyone with her dance. Her purple hair, fluttering ivory dress, her sweet voice that echoed made Delfinus feel as if winter had completely passed, and spring was in the air. Within these war-torn times, he had never felt that way in this country before. She danced through the streets like a lively wind slowly entering into his heart.

And so, Delfinus went to see her several more times. Then he eventually made a decision.

To keep her by his side. All he had to do was smile boyishly as she danced beside him. That felt enough for him. She seemed to know her place and so would not be greedy in wanting more. Of course, he would give her all the finest things and so he was sure she would be content with this life also.

He had wished and wished and desired for it to happen. It was the first time a woman had stolen his heart. So, he took special care in other things as well so that he could naturally seduce her. He had never put much effort into anything before, but to gain her affection, he did everything he could.

But you never once acknowledged that.

She would have her coming of age ceremony at seventeen, and so he resisted and waited. So he could bring her in as a concubine right away; he already told Lecco Arte and finished all the preparations. Although there were a few people who criticized his decision, and the palace’s atmosphere was not good, he didn’t think it mattered and paid it little attention.

I, the king, care for this woman. What more could she want and what else was more important?

The closest thing to the god Marycury was him, the king of this country. But he had gone to extents to appease a lowly citizen, allowing her to speak to him without honorifics, and doing his best to be as gentle as possible for her. I gave you plenty of time and opportunities to gain an interest in me. I put in that much effort, so she should have been grateful to me. She should have only thought of me, the king, and remained pure, only lying in my embrace.

But she was not a virgin.

Because this was his first time to harbor such deep feelings, he had been awkward and forgiving of her actions towards him. Even though she had deceived the king, he did not kill the woman who had risen to the seat of queen and came all the way down to Lotte Bishel. Although this was the second queen to want to come to Lotte Bishel. Then, he spent several more nights with her. There were many women who wanted to be in the embrace of the king. But I had chosen you.

But you dare to bore the filthy seed of another. Still, I had been understanding, yet you dare glare at me with that look in your eye. That it mattered how I treated you. Was her reaction because I had killed that man? Do you dare to vow vengeance on this country’s king? A mere gypsy?

Revolting. He resented her deeply.

And to meet her end by suicide.

Delfinus crumbled the piece of paper hard. He wanted to rip it apart.

Something had gone wrong,

No, it couldn’t be.

But it was already too late to change it. His entire being seemed to be shaking. Still, he was able to grasp the situation. He was a king who had been raised to be this way all his life.

She was not like him. When she hung herself, it had been the same. But he stilled searched for her. He couldn’t help it.

Delfinus looked at the woman with the golden eyes lying under his body. He knew her well. Every time, he had been swept away by satisfactory ecstasy and climax as it spread through his body euphorically. His lust had engulfed him, and he could clearly sense his roughness in trying to release his pent up desires. He could not stop himself. And so their time together lasted long into the night.

She was an unworthy and vicious woman, but her skin was sweet and soft. And that’s why his anger seemed to grow. His pathetic lust was so prominent that her rejection made him want it more. Then for the first time, he had hit her. The hand that hit her was trembling furiously. Then, he was naturally reminded of his parents — the darkest moments of the royal family.

Still, he didn’t think that his decision had been wrong. His mother had been greedy and summoned his father’s rage. You, too, dared to reject me, and so your punishment is suitable for your crime. That’s how it became. As if killing the gypsy was not enough to decrease his anger, every time he saw the young girl, he could not help but be cold to her as a consequence for his unyielding rage.

But he still yearned for her again and again, and whenever he embraced her, he felt satiated.

The moment Delfinus saw her corpse, he realized something for the first time…

That this was the feeling of longing, the reason he kept looking back at her was due to longing. At the same time, he wanted to revert back to the relationship with the little girl who had called him Del. Scorn immediately followed. The chaos that had broken any affection left manifested into anger. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to express his feelings. It was that it ran too deep. But it had become so intertwined and complicated that it lay in ruins.

Eventually, Delfinus read the memo on the paper. He had no choice.

//Ashite-Ploca is not your child.

But you will not be able to throw her out of the palace or dare kill her.

That is my final word. You mean nothing to me. The father of my child, my husband, and my one true love is and always will be Hetiron.//

And at its end, he held no meaning to her.

He shouldn’t have started it from the beginning. It would have been better not to have made any effort.

After reaching rock bottom on account of his longing, it spurned anger, then bubbled into scorn, ultimately leaving nothing but regret.

Ah. Had I done something so horrible?

But he denied it quickly.

No. She had been showered with the king’s love, something that no mere mortal would normally have a chance at. There were women of noble blood lined out his door to spend a night with him. I had left those women and instead gently embraced that girl. Normal citizens couldn’t even dream about something like this happening in their life. But he had let that girl wear fancy dresses and eat the best-prepared meals. Not only that. But he had allowed her to stay at Lotte Bishel when she wasn’t even a virgin, treated the king with disrespect, and bore a bastard child.

Did I not give her enough?

No. Again, denial was easy.

I had brought you in as a concubine due to the mere fact that I liked you. If you can’t be content with this much, then how much more will your greed demand? I even took in and raised that filthy child of yours. If it had been anyone else, they would have easily turned a blind eye toward such a child.

But you dare betray me? Is your blood that of such a low life that you can’t even know gratitude? Was this woman’s fate so inevitable? Did you really think that all I wanted was to fulfill my lust? Delfinus threw the memo. He had clenched his teeth so much that it was sore. But the pain was nothing compared to how his heart felt.

Insolent girl. Useless girl. I’m completely sick of you. It’s over, and I’m done with you. Don’t think I will take care of your daughter. I never had any interest in her anyways. Him allowing the child to sleep at Lotte Bishel, eat the palace food, and receive education here, was more than enough that what she deserved. However, many times, she bows down in front of me will not be enough to pay back the gratitude I deserved from you. Ploca. You already expected far too much. Eventually, you caused an offense that was too great so that even death would not be enough to forgive you of your crime.

At Ploca’s funeral, Delfinus made a determined decision. That he would never stand in front of her grave. He would end this despicable relationship once and for all.

It’s finally come to an end.

“Father.”

But you continued to torture me.

A bitter smile escaped him — scorn, ridicule, regret, anger, depression, defeat, hopelessness, and longing. Everything was mixed up in a mess. It was rolled in such muddy waters that its beginning was unrecognizable, and all that was left was disgust and horror.

I should have cast you aside when I had the chance.

But he knew he could not abandon Ploca, the small remnant of her inside that little girl. He knew it instinctively even if you didn’t say those things to me in your death. Was it the least I could do?

No. It was all that girl’s fault. Those eyes. That hair. The words that girl had said. Father.

Every time I saw that girl, I was reminded of you. So I couldn’t kick her out. In this world without you, she was the closest thing that resembled you. That child was wretched, but I could not abandon her.

Delphinus finally realized why he couldn’t kick out Ashite from either the palace or from Lotte Bishel. He had spent such a long time with the wretched girl that he himself had become weak. Why now. It was already too late. This horrific and unrelenting connection. He fell deeper and deeper into the abyss of regret.

Wretched girl more unrelenting than regret. Not even knowing her place. Your daughter is as horrific. She takes so much after you.

“I would like to enroll in Baya Sofiya and Baya Nansheed.”

That girl who looks so much like you dragged me to rock bottom. I am so tired from it that all I am left with is annoyance.

So sending her away felt like an opportunity. If I am unable to throw you away and have to drown in my regret, then I will at least kick that girl out of my sight.

Finally, able to see the end, he spoke directly with the foreign minister and arranged her to go to another kingdom. She was to go to Monterobis and live like a slave under the king. That was the future he saw for her. That was what her life was worthy of.

If that girl was to leave this country, then maybe my heart can finally be at peace.

But it didn’t.

That filthy blood that flowed inside that girl would now be wed with Monterobis’s king.

Then she dares to say such words.

“There is no greater happiness than finding out that father is congratulating me on my marriage. Father. You need not worry about me one bit. I will continue to live happily. I vow that I will not fail.”

Delfinus smiled bitterly.

Del Alchevs’k looked up at his master.

“…do you know.”

“…”

“…She… that… house….”

The words he spoke were incoherent and nothing but mutterings to himself. His whisperings fell upon no one but himself. As if receiving punishment, he was unable to lift his head. But he crumpled the stack of papers on his desk. His fist holding the crumpled papers was shaking with rage.

“…Vicious… girl….”

The paper was practically falling apart, but the king did not rip it apart. Maybe he was unable to.

The servant had never seen the king mutter like this before. He was not the type to talk so incoherently. He thought to himself. More and more things that needed to be addressed seemed to be adding to the list. And now, he realized what the king’s intention was. After judging the possibilities, he found that his conclusion was completely correct.

The concubine that had committed suicide at Lotte Bishel must have had something happen between her and the king. The king, the dead concubine, and the third princess had been the only ones there. Something horrible must have happened. It may have been that it was horrible, to begin with. The end was death, and that itself was pitiful, but only those who were there knew the true horrors that they had faced. If they had not, there would have been no possible way for the daughter to be so sedated after her mother’s death, and the king would not have sat by and observed it without intervening. And there would have been no reason for the king to be this frazzled by it now.

It had been the king’s decision to abandon the third princess. But the words the princess had left him with was destroying the owner of this land. He wouldn’t be that easily broken by this one instant. He had already been broken, destroyed, and twisted a long time ago. Now, there were people who could see it, but it was too late to have anyone be able to return it to normal.

He had spent that much time on it. The servant was able to read the king like his daughter. It was not difficult to figure out the tragedy that had occurred between the king and gypsy and their daughter.

All this was expected. She pretended to feign ignorance about her master’s true feelings. He had to remain Skara’s elegant king of the white light. No one can know of his twistedness. That was the only way to be painted in history as the perfect king with the perfect subjects. The servant knew enough of his master to know what to do without long commands or words, and so he closed his mouth, respectfully greeted him, and exited the room.

Now he really was all alone. Inside the room, only a moaning shadow of a man remained under the white lights. The king’s cloak no longer fluttered. It dragged and puddled at his feet.

For a long time, he moaned in agony. Then finally, he was able just barely to lift his head.

It all felt empty.

No. Is this such a simple emotion?

He had answered no, but he couldn’t decipher what was correct anymore.

He pounded his fist on his desk.

Several times, hard, as if he wanted to break it. But not a scratch appeared on the elegant table.

Of course, he was not its owner.

The emotions that shook him were clawing at him. Anger, defeat, depression, annoyance, pointlessness, blankness, betrayal, longing, scorn, humiliation, and hurt. Only death was left at its end. How could something that meant so much to him, disappear with a trace.

//”You mean nothing to me.”//

Insolent girl. Vicious girl. She didn’t know her place or stature. But still, he couldn’t,

//”I am sixteen.”

“Mr. Del.”//

she remained viciously stuck,

//”I will swear it. Ashite-Ploca is your majesty’s bloodline.”//

My end with you

//”The only person I will love is Hetiron.”//

will not come.